3 Questions NOT to Ask a Stay at Home Mom
I've had the privilege of being home with my daughter since the day she was born. Believe me when I say I don't take any moment of it for granted but I did learn A LOT when I became a stay at home mom. I used to joke (before having Amira) that my goal in life was to become a stay at home mother and live the dream LOL. Honestly, I never realized how incredibly challenging it is to be SAHM until I actually became one and it wasn't necessarily the dream I envisioned. There are so many misconceptions about being a SAHM and I've since transitioned to being a "work from home mom", but I'll never forget the ignorant questions I received from people. So to spare you a sassy reply or a heavy eye roll, I'm sharing 3 questions NOT to ask a stay at home mom and explaining why.
What do you do all day?
This is the best question. I think people really believe that stay at home moms do NOTHING all day when in actuality we do A LOT. Taking care of a child 24/7 is a never ending job. There are no set hours, there are no lunch breaks, no bathroom breaks, and there are no hot cups of coffee being sipped while reading emails. We are making sure our children are fed, are constantly being engaged with (no not watching tv), making sure they nap, and we are chasing them around making sure they aren't on the brink of disaster, etc. All while trying to fit in time to attempt any housework, errands, self care, or any other task on our to do list! It's VERY hard and overwhelming to complete a simple task when you're caring for your child at the same time. I'm thankful my husband got a taste of the stay at home life when he was on his second round of paternity leave and was able to empathize with me. I remember one day he was so exhausted from being home with Amira all day he said "I get it Al, this is no joke... thank you".
Your husband must make a lot of money so you're able to stay home, right?
First of all this assumption is so rude, no one's business, and doesn't deserve a response. However, I feel like I need to address this since I've recieved this question personally and I understand the curiosity. Families that decide to have a parent stay home (that used to work full time) does not mean that they are well off and in most cases they are taking a financial hit. Going from two salaries to one is not easy but when you factor in the cost of childcare sometimes it makes sense to have a parent stay home. I was in a position where my corporate job had no growth, I wasn't happy, and I wasn't necessarily going back to my dream career. So we made the choice as a family that I would stay home after my maternity leave was over. We had to save and significantly curb our spending so we could handle living off of one income for about 7 months. It wasn't easy but we did what we had to do and eventually I was able to transition from a stay at home mom to a working from home mom!
How can you stay home all day with a baby?
This question was so weird to me when I first received it but my answer is simple. The same way someone gets up and goes to work every day is the same way I stay home with my child. Bills don't pay themselves and diapers don't change themselves, someone has to do it! I'm so grateful I've been able to be with Amira and while it has its challenges and really tough moments I don't regret staying home with her! She's my child and I love caring for her. Imagine if someone said to you "I don't understand how you do it, I could never be away from my kids all day?" Doesn't feel good right? We are all doing the best we can for our families whether you decide to stay home or return back to work.
My best piece of advice for people curious about a someone's lifestyle choices is to take away the judgmental tone in your questions. Whether you're a stay at home mom, a working mom, or a work from home mom we are all doing the best we can for our children! As mothers we need to band together and lift each other up instead of making each other feel any ounce of guilt for our choices. Can I get an Amen?